‘A serious sin.’ Here’s how damaging gossip can be — and how to stop

Gossip is the passing along of personal information about another person with the intention of maligning or belittling the subject in question.

Gossip differs from the neutral sharing of information by its underlying motive.

If we report to a mutual acquaintance that a neighbor has been arrested for drunk driving, we are relating a fact.

If, however, we are gloating about that person’s misfortune and delighting in the retelling of the news, we are engaging in gossip.

The speaker gains a sense of power and pleasure by sharing something personal that was not meant to be revealed and that is potentially hurtful to the subject involved.

The term was originally applied to the conversation between female attendants of a woman in the throes of labor and childbirth. The woman’s relatives and friends would gather to offer their assistance and share news of the latest happenings.

Psychologist Robin Dunbar suggests that gossip is innate, serving to socially unite humans in the same way that grooming bonds primates.

Any potential benefits are quickly outweighed by its harmful effects on everyone involved.

Victims feel rightfully violated as their misfortunes are shared without their permission. They lose trust, feel ganged up against and isolated from the group.

They may rightfully become angry and vengeful.

Perpetrators also suffer.

While at first glance they enjoy the dishing of dirt, their unkindness and aggression exact a heavy psychic toll.

According to psychologist Sherrie Campbell, gossips are “desperate and immature people” who love conflict and lack confidence. They often embellish stories, demonstrating total disregard for the truth.

Their behavior leaves them vulnerable to a similar attack.

Society at large is weakened as members engage in mean and conniving backbiting.

Morale takes a nose dive. Any sense of community quickly dissolves.

All major religions take a firm stance against this kind of behavior. In the Jewish tradition, lashon hara — negative, harmful speech about another person — is considered a serious sin.

The Prophet Muhammad equated gossipers with habitual drunkards and murderers.

Proverbs 16:28 says that “a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.”

So how can you avoid being a gossip? Follow these tips:

If you wouldn’t say something to a person’s face, don’t say it behind their back. Make this a personal litmus test for all future conversations.

Mind your own business. Even if you’re privy to private information, you needn’t make it public. Keep your mouth shut.

Be trustworthy. Gossip is a neon sign telling everyone you lack integrity and kindness. Begin to reverse that perception by choosing words carefully, withholding information that was shared in confidence and rising above the emotional fray.

Understand we are all struggling. Each of us has challenges. Demonstrate compassion for others.

Disengage from gossip. A statement such as, “I don’t like to talk about other people,” makes clear your disapproval and may even stop the perpetrators in their tracks.

This story was originally published April 17, 2023 at 5:35 AM.