‘I’ll never forgive myself.’ Here’s how to move past regret

Regrets are those “I wish I’d done things differently” thoughts we collect throughout our lives.

They can range in importance from the relatively inconsequential (“I should have bought that sweater when it was on sale”) to the profound (“I’ll never forgive myself for not being home the night my husband had his heart attack”).

Regrets elicit a range of negative feelings, such as sadness, failure and self-loathing.

Some people are so focused on their past perceived failings that they become distraught and depressed, limiting their ability to function in everyday settings.

Each of us makes thousands of decisions every day: “Should I change lanes now or after this yellow car passes?” “Should I heat up leftovers for lunch?”

The vast majority of those decisions are made with a minimum of thought, occur without any consequences and are promptly forgotten.

If, however, one of those decisions goes awry, say you choked on those heated leftovers, that moment can become fixed in your memory and cause you to regret what you did.

Of course, we have no way of seeing into the future.

Instead, we make the best decisions we can based on the information we have. And sometimes bad things happen.

Unfortunately, most folks do little to minimize the impact of their regrets.

They deem the past to be unchangeable. They opt to ruminate and beat themselves up about their actions yet fail to alter their conduct or their thoughts.

Regrets are similar to guilt, another thought pattern that zeroes in on supposed inadequacies and fosters negative emotions. Both consume massive amounts of psychic bandwidth.

Chronic sufferers feel powerless to make any changes and continue wallowing in despair.

Luckily, there are steps everyone can take to move beyond their regrets and live more happily and productively today.

Here’s how:

Admit your actions. Confront the identified wrong. Yes, you made a mistake or did something you wish you hadn’t. But you can’t rewind the clock. You can, however, decide not to waste more time obsessing about it. Take charge of your thoughts and behavior as you begin to heal.

Make amends. Do what needs to be done to make the situation right. Apologize to someone you harmed. Sign up for a college class to get the degree you missed out on. Commit yourself to getting sober. If reparations aren’t possible, do what you can to improve the condition of yourself or those involved.

Learn from your mistake. Each of us has made boatloads of mistakes, and each of those missteps has made us wiser. Focus on what you’ve gained from your experience. Take measures to prevent it from happening again. Share your newfound wisdom with others.

Reframe the event. Your transgression doesn’t make you a horrible person. Rather, it’s proof that you’re a frail human being. Embrace your fragility. Foster an environment of friends, behaviors and thoughts that make you the highest version of yourself.

Be compassionate. Recognize that everyone else makes mistakes too. They might feel just as bad about them as you do. Show kindness and support for their imperfections. Be a guiding light of forgiveness and inner peace.