Grieving the loss of a loved one? Here’s how to survive the holiday season

The death of a loved one is a sad, difficult time.

The holidays only amplify your sense of loss and leave you wondering how you’ll go on.

Here are some suggestions for surviving this challenging season. Pick and choose the ones that feel right for you:

Take care of yourself. You’ve already suffered enough. Make sure you get plenty of rest. Exercise regularly. Eat nourishing meals. Engage in pleasant activities. Spend time with people you enjoy.

Communicate with others. Your family and friends may be grieving, too. But their grief might look very different than yours. Share with them what you do and don’t want. Be specific: “I can’t be around lots of people,” or “I don’t want to be alone in the evenings.” You’ll save them the stress of guessing what you want, and you’ll get exactly what you need.

Honor your loved one. While the deceased is no longer with you, they can still be included in the festivities. Light a candle every evening in their honor. Prepare a favorite meal and invite special friends over to enjoy it. Buy a gift in their memory, then donate it to a local charity.

Create a shrine dedicated to your loved one. Include pictures, memorabilia or notes — anything that reminds you of them. Visit the shrine throughout the day. Talk to the deceased. Cry. Let the sadness and emotions flow freely. Return whenever you feel the need. This strategy provides you with an outlet for your emotions as opposed to holding them in throughout the day.

Write a new script. You may not want to follow hallowed traditions this holiday season. Instead, allow yourself to go rogue. Eat pizza with your classmates around the fireplace, rent a condo in Mazatlan or serve meals to the homeless on Thanksgiving. You decide what works best for you. Then do what you can to make it happen.

Be prepared for triggers. The holidays are laden with emotions and history that can constantly remind you of the deceased. Expect sadness to arise seemingly out of nowhere, brought on by a smell, an image or a song. You can excuse yourself to regain your composure, or simply relax and smile as your eyes well up in tears.

Be flexible. Your energy levels may ebb and flow. Or you might feel emotionally stable one moment, then overcome with sadness the next.

Accept whatever arises. Let others know what’s happening, then add, “I might have to back out at the last minute. So much depends on how I’m doing.” You might also want to drive yourself to holiday events so you don’t feel trapped if others aren’t ready to leave.

Donate your time and energy. One of the best ways to boost your spirits is to be of service to others. Participate in a food drive at your mosque, church or synagogue. Reach out to someone else experiencing grief. Donate your loved one’s clothing to a homeless shelter. Volunteer at your local library. Even though your heart is heavy, you still have something to share.

Find support. Reach out to Hospice of San Luis Obispo County for a list of ongoing activities and resources, or consider attending one of four local Light Up a Life remembrance ceremonies being held in November and December.