How to lift your mood by mining memories from your ‘upbeat inventory’
Someone wise once said that each life is a series of notably memorable moments strung together by stretches of boredom.
From (excuse the phrase) ejaculation to expiration, it’s true.
Some of life’s most stellar moments are eagerly anticipated, fought for and yearned over for a long time.
Think of births, graduations, weddings, glorious new jobs or promotions, awards. Accomplishments and moments to be enshrined forever in photographs and memories. Memories to be taken out, polished up and cherished all over again.
Some creature gifts are fleeting but unforgettable, like the first time I saw a whale, a moose, an elephant or a giraffe.
Scenic memories stick, too, like those first glimpses of a glorious sunset, the Yosemite overlook, Big Sur, Moonstone Beach, Pismo Beach, Maui, Alaska or the Grand Tetons. Or closer to home, when I walked out to our Zen garden one morning to find four orchid plants had simultaneously burst into bloom with hummingbirds flitting around and a double rainbow overhead.
Close my eyes, think back, and I can see them again clearly in my memory movie.
Other unforgettable moments, good or bad, are can be as instantly life-changing as a direct hit by lightning: From first kiss, finding love or hitting a jackpot to medical crises, accidents, earthquakes, the effects of severe weather, war and, of course, sudden death.
Even terribly sad moments that have been expected will change our lives in ways we never anticipated ahead of time. The unexpected, shockingly awful ones .... indescribable.
I’ve said it so many times: We can be prepared, but we’re never fully ready.
Each of those life markers, joyous or tragic, carry with them vast emotional jolts that last a lifetime.
We can’t change them. We can’t erase them.
But if we try hard and are lucky, we can to a certain extent learn how to control our reactions to them.
How we choose to do that can become a habit. And each reaction layers on the previous ones, forming a pattern of how we’ll be, day to day.
For instance, when you think back, do you reminisce about gleeful moments or depressing ones?
When you’re in one of those sad, worried or just-plain-bored-silly stretches of life, do you brood about it or set it aside for now, then go to find something else to occupy your mind and emotions?
If your mind is in a dark space, do you stay there or take action to change your mood?
If so, what do you do?
As my late husband used to say, “Life may have given us a cactus, but we don’t have to sit on it.”
Since his death and my recent face-off with a life-threatening event (not COVID and resolved now, thank you), I’ve had to face up and man up, as they say …. although woman up seems more appropriate.
Focusing on both those events and others like them could send me spiraling down into bleak introspection and even depression.
But I have a little list …
Whenever I feel myself getting sad or lonely, mad or upset or just plain pissed off, I turn to my upbeat inventory, looking for something on it that will help me turn my day around.
Do you have a list like that? What’s on yours?
Perhaps the most important parts of my list are things I can do by myself, for myself, to distract me and make me happier.
My list includes everything from mentally reciting the blessings in my life — like family and friends who truly care and show it, of course — to things that make me smile, giggle and laugh.
• Cartoons by Jerry Rubin and Gary Larson, old “Calvin & Hobbs” and “Cathy” strips are instant-uplift panaceas. What are your favorites?
• Writing, of course, which has been my mental/emotional safe haven for most of my life.
• Cooking (a challenging new adventure now that I’m gluten free), but to be honest, it’s lots more fun when I’m cooking with for more than just me, preferably with somebody else to chat and laugh with.
• Fortunately for me, reading and researching about cooking works, too, (especially when I’m exercising on my stationary bike), and as a bonus extra, those activities don’t produce a messy kitchen!
• Other exercise can help, believe it or not, as long as it’s not one of those long, drawn out, deadly dull sessions and doesn’t make my wonky knee hurt.
• Dabbling online, done judiciously, can help somewhat. But not always, because it can be an exhausting rabbit hole, and I already spend so much of my work time on the computer.
• Dancing around the house to loud music, singing along, can be uplifting (as long as nobody else is here!).
• Changing out of my work-from-home clothing into something spiffier, including earrings and lip gloss. The reverse is also true, especially after a long day. True joy is taking off the bra.
• Reading, especially when I’m physically or emotionally tired. I read before sleep every night, and if I find myself getting too engrossed in the plot, I’ll switch to a cookbook.
• Sometimes, even cleaning out a cabinet shelf or (ugh) the refrigerator can help, because a sense of accomplishment is cool. Tip: Having music or a distracting TV show playing in the background helps.
• Gardening, if I’m in the mood. I’m a brown thumb, so that urge doesn’t strike often.
• Sewing, which has to be mentally absorbing or I’ll stitch my finger to the cloth. I haven’t yet gone back to knitting or crocheting, but Oz and Kris Barron of Ball & Skein & More are encouraging me to do so. Maybe I should dabble again in embroidery, needlepoint and even the leatherwork I did in high school (I’m still using the hand-carved checkbook cover I made for my mom waaaay back then. THAT’S longevity! I really should redo the lacing, though.)
And my aces-in-the-hole?
• Letting the sunshine in, literally and figuratively. A foggy day? Turn on all the lights or go outside anyway.
• Getting up close and personal with Mother Nature. Being outside of my house and my head.
• Going to the boardwalks, the pier, the forest or the shore. Or even onto my own back deck, where I can see and smell the trees, hear the birds and, if I’m lucky, see some wildlife.
• Chatting with strangers.
• And when all else fails, I smile. Big. Yes, even when I’m alone. Just smile. Then look in the mirror.
Because, like 12-step programs, living my best life happens one day at a time, one hour, even one moment, whether those time frames are unforgettable or not.
And, unless today’s the day when one of those unexpected memorable moments strikes, how my one-day-at-a-time goes is up to me.
This story was originally published May 17, 2022 at 5:00 AM.
