Former SLO football star left UCLA team after suicide attempt: ‘A life-or-death decision’
Editor’s note: This article mentions a suicide attempt and may be troubling for some readers.
Photos of Thomas Cole’s athletic feats at San Luis Obispo High School tell the story of an athlete at the top of his game.
One memorable photo shows him hushing the opposing crowd after a sack on the football field, one of several big tackles in a playoff game against Madera High.
Another picture, captured on the basketball court, shows Cole rising up for a two-hand slam dunk, Tigers’ fans waiting to erupt with cheers in the background.
The 6-foot-7, 255-pound lineman and power forward left high school six months early in winter 2021 to attend UCLA, where he’d earned a football scholarship.
Garnering 27 college football scholarships offers, including one from NCAA powerhouse Michigan, Cole was a top 40 prospect in California by 247Sports (32nd) and ESPN (40th), according to the UCLA bio guide.
Once Cole was in Westwood, however, a future that was promising turned into a daily struggle due to isolation and mental health challenges.
On July 16, Cole announced on Twitter that he was leaving the program due to a suicide attempt.
“I haven’t been present at the Wasserman facility for the past six months,” Cole wrote. “That is because at the start of 2022 I made an attempt to take my own life.”
He continued: “At first, I was regretful that I survived my attempt, but thankfully due to the people at UCLA hospital, Paradigm residential treatment, and my therapist Meg, I have come to a much brighter outlook for my own future.”
SLO High star experienced isolation at UCLA
Speaking recently to The Tribune, Cole recounted the downward spiral with hopes that it can help others to reach out for help if needed.
Cole also recently shared his story with the Los Angeles Times. He said he has learned to become comfortable being vulnerable and expressing his feelings instead of bottling them up as he once did.
At SLO High, Cole said he had “great experience playing under Coach (Pat Johnston).”
“I loved playing with my teammates,” Cole said. “Those are my best friends. In all honesty, I was terrified to leave for college.”
He arrived at UCLA in early January 2021, which normally would have been his senior high school basketball season.
Like high school football at the time, basketball had been put on hold due to COVID-19 precautions at the time.
“I got there to a dorm room alone,” Cole said. “I didn’t know anybody. I started school and practice the next day. I was eating microwave meals to go. I didn’t have a team dinner for months. I was really alone when I first got to school.”
Cole said that isolation deeply affected him as he worked out with weights and went through drills, largely on his own. His only regular contact on the team was with an offensive line coach, he said.
“He was really the only person I talked to for months,” said Cole, who arrived at UCLA weighing 255 pounds and bulked up to 300 pounds for his new role as a backup offensive lineman.
Cole said his family has a history of some mental health issues, and he acknowledged experiencing “waves of depression in high school.”
“Looking back, I had a lot of anxiety,” he said. “But it was not as consistent as it was in college. In high school, it wasn’t as all-encompassing and chronic.”
Football player faces mental health challenges
Cole said his symptoms were not connected to football, though he had exceptionally high expectations for himself on and off the field. He based his sense of self worth more on how he viewed himself in general, he said.
In his UCLA dorm room, Cole had regular calls with his family, with whom he has a good and loving relationship. But the hours of isolation got to him, he said.
“I developed self-hatred,” Cole said. “After six months of waking up every day and your first thought is ‘I wish I’d kill myself,’ that gets kind of old.’”
Cole reached out to a team psychiatrist seeking antidepressants and was connected with a therapist, meeting for sessions over the course of three weeks before his attempt to end his life.
At the time, Cole said, “I didn’t really know how to share my emotions and convey how I felt.”
One night in early 2022, he attempted suicide.
“I sat down that night of Jan. 19 thinking I didn’t want to wake up with another regret that morning,” Cole said.
After attempting to take his life, “I called my therapist and she told me to get help,” Cole said. “She’s the one who convinced me to go to the hospital.”
SLO High School grad finds new identity
Until recently, Cole said, football “was my entire identity.”
His teammates “knew I was struggling but not to the extent I was,” Cole said, adding that he put on a mask around them. “You kind of have a smile on your face. Some days are better than others where you don’t say ‘Hi’ in the locker room and kind of keep to yourself.”
Cole called making the decision to quit “extremely difficult.”
“I had to reinvent myself and put my ego aside because football didn’t make me happy the way it should,” Cole said. “For me, it was a life-or-death decision about whether I’d go back and play or not.”
“I’m not the first person to leave the program,” he added, “and my teammates have been nothing but supportive.”
Cole said that UCLA’s coaches, led by head football coach Chip Kelly, respected his decision to leave and focus on his well-being and maintaining his mental health.
They have welcomed him back to attend games, which he plans to do either on the sidelines or in the stands, and he said he’ll always support the team as best he can.
“They want to see the best version of Thomas and that has been super helpful,” Cole said.
Coming home to the Central Coast
After talking it over with his parents, David and Kelli Cole, Thomas decided to return home to San Luis Obispo.
He’s now enrolled in the fire technology program at Allan Hancock College in Santa Maria.
Cole has reconnected with longtime friends and will soon see his younger sister off to college at Texas Christian University.
He described his conversations with his family was open and honest, adding that they’ve brought his family members closer.
“I love our family meals and that’s kind of always been our time together,” Cole said. “We’ve grown so much because of this situation.”
Cole said that his friends have been supportive as well, telling him how thankful they are that he’s alive, which has lifted his spirits.
“At this point in my life, I’m able to be so open with how I’m feeling,” Cole said. “I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time — physically and emotionally.”
Cole said he wants others to know it’s okay to seek help.
“I just hope the thing people hear is that it’s okay to reach out and ask for help,” Cole said. “It takes a village. Don’t let ego hold you aside. Don’t let your pride let you die.”
How to get help
If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a hotline for individuals in crisis or for those looking to help someone else.
To speak with a certified listener, call 1-800-273-8255 toll-free. You can also call the Central Coast Hotline for free at 800-783-0607 for 24-7 assistance. To learn the warning signs of suicide, visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
This story was originally published August 9, 2022 at 9:00 AM.
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