Are you too nice? Why extreme niceness can be bad for your health

Most of us strive to be nice. It’s a personal quality we value in ourselves and seek out in others. But some folks describe themselves as too nice. They even go so far as to say that their nice actions interfere with their physical and emotional well-being.

So, is it possible to be too nice? Can we carry pleasantries to an extreme?

Let’s begin by digging down into the meaning of “nice.” While the definition is long and complex, Webster’s Dictionary employs a series of synonyms to help describe the term.

One of them is “agreeable.”

Nice people get along with others; they make an effort to go with the flow. They go out of their way to avoid being contrary or argumentative.

A second synonym is “attractive.” Regardless of their physical appearance, nice folks exude a calming energy and demeanor that welcomes us into their sphere.

Nice people use polite and civil language, even in the most challenging of circumstances.

Finally, nice people are kind. They care about the feelings and events impacting others and do their best to improve the status quo.

How can niceness go awry?

Self-avowed too-nice people can have trouble saying “no.” They feel guilty if they don’t want to do something or have to turn down a request.

As a result, they frequently find themselves in unhappy situations and feel unable to speak up or make a change.

Too-nice people may harbor resentment, feel undervalued and sense that no one listens or takes them seriously.

They have trouble setting boundaries and worry more about pleasing others than deciding which option is truly best.

Ultimately, too-nice people are subject to burn-out. They spend more time tending to others than they do to themselves.

They may overlook their nutritional and exercise needs and are at risk for becoming over- or underweight.

They constantly battle exhaustion. In short, their gas tanks chronically hover around empty and they make little effort to fill them up.

While I’m sensitive to the plight of the too-nice adherents, I’m still not convinced that niceness is the culprit.

Somehow those folks have associated niceness with a host of other characteristics and behaviors that have nothing to do with the real meaning of the word.

Nowhere in Webster’s lengthy definition is there the mention of guilt, lack of self-care, over-work or never saying no.

Instead, it focuses on positive attributes we all should ascribe to. Perhaps it would be wiser for some to address those challenging issues and for the rest of us keep trying to be nice.

How not to be too nice

Speak up. You have a right to voice your opinion. Take adequate time to identify what you want to say, then use I-statements to express your needs or wants.

Set boundaries. Pay attention to when you are balanced and comfortable and when you feel uneasy or stressed. Analyze what you need to do to keep yourself in the calm, stable zone.

Let go of guilt. Recognize when your mind is rehashing your actions. Do the best you can in each situation, then move on to something else.

Practice self-care. You deserve to be well cared for. Eat three balanced meals every day, get adequate sleep at night and exercise on a daily basis.

Recognize your limits. Know when you’re tired, frustrated or simply done for the day, then get some R&R.

This story was originally published February 24, 2020 at 5:10 AM.