Political ethics can’t be harder than condiment conundrums

There I sat, with a tower of a hamburger in my hand, grumbling about truth in advertising.

Not about the burger! For a change, it was thick and juicy, perfectly grilled to medium rare, coated with melted cheese, topped with lettuce, pickles, grilled onions and a secret sauce to make Ronald McDonald green with envy. Yum.

The problem? Lunch needed just a smidgen of ketchup.

You know where I’m going with this, right? That restaurant provides condiments in fiendish little packs printed with the recommendation to “tear here.”

Truth in advertising? Not so much. Even with two clean, empty hands, I can’t rip those packets apart.

I try to delicately grab each side of the packet at the “tear here” mark, then twist. Doesn’t work. Twist harder. Phooey! Pull, yank. Jab, bite, growl. Hop up and down like a furious 4-year-old. Swear a lot.

Nope.

No ketchup. (Grumpy-face emoticon here).

If I’d been smart, I’d have taken a little pair of scissors into the restaurant with me. Or an itty-bitty chainsaw.

Or, best yet, my own bottle of ketchup, since many restaurants don’t provide them anymore.

Bigger problems, different packages

As I chewed on my ketchup-less burger, my mind did a quick 180.

Why was I getting so riled up about all this “tear here” and reclosable-packaging nonsense?

Perhaps those are just two of the myriad things that aren’t as they should be these days, things that affect our daily lives and about which we, as individuals, seemingly can do absolutely nothing.

I think we’re all deep-down angry and terrified about lots of bigger, serious problems.

Maybe it’s easier to fuss and fume about ketchup packets than it is to confront the monster issues … widespread hunger, global warming and sea rise, pollution, reliance on fossil fuels, women’s rights to control their own bodies and futures, and the seemingly intractable gridlock clash of philosophies among those who govern us.

Truth in political advertising

Aye, there’s the rub. I suppose if I want to really make a difference, I’d take on truth in political advertising, and what I believe most of us do and don’t want to hear from our candidates:

▪  Use those nice manners your mama taught you.

▪  Don’t trash your opponent(s) to the point of absurdity.

▪  Don’t be a jerk, a liar, a fraud.

▪  Don’t make promises you can’t keep, or give rambling answers that don’t make sense. If you don’t know an answer, say so.

▪  Don’t sink to bullying, nastiness, pants-on-fire, comparing wives or the size of your privates. Yuck!

▪  Keep it clean, keep it polite, keep it honest, keep it relevant and stay on the topics that truly interest the voters.

▪  Tell me succinctly what you’re going to do and how you’re going to do it, how you’d address terrorism, foreign policy and world safety, the economy and the imbalance of wealth, the rise in power of mega-corporations, the absurdly rising cost of health care, nuclear weapons, random, mass attacks and shootings that kill so many innocents, mental illness, the environment, jobs … all those huge issues about which I can do nothing as an individual.

▪  Tell me truth, for once. Then maybe, just maybe, I won’t be so cranky about a “tear here” package that won’t.

This story was originally published April 6, 2016 at 10:19 AM with the headline "Political ethics can’t be harder than condiment conundrums."