SLO’s ‘No Kings’ Day, complete with crowns, courtiers and hypocrisy | Opinion

It was a perfect SLO Saturday. The kind that makes even satirists believe in sunshine. Bright skies. A good breeze. Downtown San Luis Obispo — perfect for placards, passion and hashtags.

By noon police on hand estimated about 5,000 people at the “No Kings” rally. Fewer than the 10,000 organizers expected, but still a decent turnout. The average age leaned less “campus uprising” and more “early-bird special.” Sensibly, many huddled in the shade. A demographic that believes in both climate change and SPF 50.

The speakers followed a familiar script. Local Democratic Chair Tom Fulks proudly called himself the party’s “attack dog,” apparently unaware of the irony that German shepherds have long been the photo-op of choice for tyrants, from fascists to Hutus.

The money trail was just as ironic. Indivisible’s benefactors include figures whose fortunes would make some autocrats blush. George Soros’s Open Society Foundations network has poured in millions. The same Soros who once pocketed a billion dollars betting against the British pound, a trade that helped topple a government without firing a shot.

And yet, while organizers called for kindness and inclusion, the message quickly turned feral. Protesters ignored their own organizers’ pleas to “be civil” and “lead with love,” opting instead for slogans that sounded more medieval than moral: “F*** off fascists,” “Elect a rapist, expect to be raped,” and “Republicans protect pedophiles.” One might hope that anyone shouting “No Kings” would avoid behaving like peasants with pitchforks. One would be disappointed.

Then came the “Yes on Prop. 50” signs. The art of democracy by compass and crayon. Nothing says “No Kings” like sketching your own realm.

The only thing more ironic than railing against monarchy is campaigning to install your own royal household. In California, the Democrats already govern every statewide and major city office and most levers of bureaucracy from Sacramento to San Diego, including SLO.

The “Yes on 50” crowd calls it reform. History calls it consolidation. Power passed not by birthright but by bureaucratic inheritance.

A Plague on Both Your Houses

I’ve been to rallies across ideologies. Moms for Liberty in Paso, anti-Brexit marches in London, student uprisings in Africa. The playbook never changes. Different villains, same righteousness.

The right condemns socialist tyrants and “baby killers.” The left damns MAGA fascists and corporate sinners. The banners change color. The outrage tastes the same.

We’ve replaced dialogue with dueling, ideas with ideology. Outrage is our oxygen, and we mistake it for democracy.

As someone who was born and lived under monarchs in England, Africa and the Middle East, I find this all absurd. I’ve seen what divine right looks like when written in blood and divine providence, rather than tweets.

Britain’s current King, Charles III, can trace his lineage back two hundred years through the House of Windsor, formerly Saxe-Coburg and Gotha. A reminder that dynasties survive not by merit, but by rebranding.

America ditched kings but kept the crowns. The names aren’t Windsor or Hanover. They’re Kennedy, Brown, Feinstein, Pelosi. The latter two Queens of California politics ruled longer than the Queen Elizabeth II. Different bloodlines, same entitlement. Prop. 50 merely ensures the lineage stays pure.

A republic, if you can keep it

America’s Founders would recognize this pattern and be horrified. Washington, Jefferson and Madison warned that a two-party system would divide the republic into factions more loyal to party than principle.

Benjamin Franklin, when asked what form of government had been created, famously replied: “A republic, if you can keep it.”

We’re not keeping it. We’re smothering it under slogans and loyalty tests.

We no longer elect representatives. We anoint tribal champions. Democracy becomes a contact sport with the goal not to govern but to win. That’s not republicanism. It’s royalism in red and blue.

Here’s the funny bit. The “No Kings” rally looked exactly like something a king would love. Loyal subjects waving symbols, chanting oaths and damning heretics with self-righteous fury.

Fulks demands that every seat in San Luis Obispo County come under his seal. In a county that’s only 38% Democrat, demanding total control isn’t democracy. It’s just another monarchy with better branding.

Before the right starts smirking, I’ve seen your rallies with your own attack-dog metaphors and apocalyptic posters. One tribe believes it has a divine right to rule. The other believes it has a divine duty to save us from ourselves. Both sides are building royal households. One by revelation, the other by regulation.

If “No Kings” means anything, it must mean no royal families of any kind. Not by blood. Not by ballot. Not by bureaucracy. Democracy doesn’t die when one man seizes a throne. It dies when both sides start polishing their own crowns.

I’m a republican too. So yes, shout “No Kings!” But please remember this. The real test isn’t who wears the crown. It’s whether anyone still remembers how to take it off.

Clive Pinder hosts “CeaseFire” on KVEC 920AM/96.5 FM and writes at clivepinder.substack.com. He’s a republican, with a small r, and allergic to crowns of every kind.

This story was originally published October 24, 2025 at 9:23 AM.