Turkey is more dangerous than guns
Hundreds of people will die this Thanksgiving week as a result of eating turkey, either by food poisoning from undercooked turkey, choking or heart attacks from overindulgence.
This makes turkeys a far more dangerous threat than guns. Therefore, in the interest of public safety, we must institute a “turkey control” program patterned after gun control, i.e., demand a 15-day waiting period to purchase turkey, turkey purchases must be registered with BTC (Bureau of Turkey Control), turkeys must be locked and in a special case separate from the stuffing, and stuffing must be heavily taxed and limited to five spoonfuls per bird.
August Salemi, Atascadero
This story was originally published November 25, 2015 at 1:19 PM with the headline "Turkey is more dangerous than guns."