Donald Trump is in the captain’s seat
Good morning, folks, and welcome to Trump Airline, affiliated with Con Airline. I, your pilot Donald, will be in charge for the next four years. We’ll be cruising at an altitude of $16.9 trillion and soaring to a zillion dollars, believe me. Twitter says we have 325 million on board, but no worries, those without proper papers will be pushed off.
If your seatbelt was made by Obamacare, they’ve been removed, so lotsa luck.
I’m sure you noticed my flight attendants are 10s. Those groping will be eligible for upgrade to first class.
Security, no problem. My good friend, Vlady, has allowed use of his MIGs to accompany us.
Many of you may have heard rumors from the liberal press about my ability to take control. I’ve flown many of these before. I, and I alone, know how to pilot this ship, believe me. In fact, I am so confident, there is only one parachute on board.
Folks, Jan. 20 is fast approaching, and for some reason we’re halfway down the runway. OK, OK, for you liberal critics googling FactCheck, if you really must know, I have flown many paper airplanes before, but I know how to do this, believe me. We’re now up to 6 mph, so sit back relax and enjoy the flight.
Jay Cano, Atascadero
This story was originally published December 17, 2016 at 7:40 PM with the headline "Donald Trump is in the captain’s seat."