About the Colony

Absent-minded romantic seeks woman who likes Navy gray and big-band music

Lon Allan
Lon Allan jjohnston@thetribunenews.com

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.

Living as a single senior citizen, I’ve wondered just how I would go about “marketing” myself these days.

I am a print person; it still doesn’t seem natural to just jump on the web in search of a mate. I remember reading those printed classifieds wherein a WMA (white male adult) is seeking a soul mate — someone to join in long walks on the beach who also loves cats.

As I’ve pointed out in previous columns, I’m a guy who has pretty much lived the past 78 years in the slow lane. So, either in print or through social media, how do I market myself?

I see these ads on TV all the time, such as Elite Singles, Farmers Only, and eHarmony. I might have a chance at finding a soul mate on Farmers Only if I touted my vast experience raising chickens.

There’s the rub. I’d still have to say something intriguing. How would I describe myself to elicit a response? If I told the truth, there’d be no responses, except maybe from one which begins: “Desperate …”

And of course, there’s the need for a photograph. Just look at the one at the top of this column. How do I explain I really don’t look that bad?

In print or on the web, you have to say a little about yourself. My current passion is building scale model Navy boats. Imagine my dream partner ad reading, “Wanted, woman whose favorite color is Navy gray and has a large bathtub?” I love big-band music; listen to it almost exclusively. “Wanted, woman who hasn’t listened to anything new in music in 60 years.”

I’m a good fixer-upper. My late wife Eileen always said that was a good thing in a man. She often said, “There are no good men out there, ladies, so marry a good fixer-upper.”

So, I guess, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day 2018, I’d say something like this:

“Practical SWM, 5’ 6”. Brown eyes, non-smoker and non-drinker, good sense of humor, good with hammer, hopeless romantic, non-communicator, absent-minded; dependable. Seeking woman who will bring me into the 21st century; love me in spite of all the above.”

Happy Valentine’s Day, especially to those reading it in an actual newspaper. You, I truly love.

Lon Allan’s column is special to The Tribune. He has lived in Atascadero for five decades, and his column appears here every other week. Reach Allan at 805-466-8529 or lonallan39@gmail.com.