Stressed out about holiday shopping? Here’s why you should give time, not stuff
What was your all-time favorite Christmas gift?
Don’t remember? You’re apparently not alone.
In casual polls of family and friends, most of my respondents couldn’t come up with even one stand-out holiday gift they’d received through the years.
Sure, a few folks could, with responses that ranging from the basic (a bicycle, a Kodak Brownie camera) to the personal (a piccolo from her brother, a sweater hand-knit by her mom) to the profound (the birth of a child, “my sister” or even “my parents”).
But still.
Where are the memories of all those gifts we adults agonized over, scrimped and saved to buy and spent hours wrapping? The Cabbage Patch doll, the X-Box, the boom box, the skateboard, even the iPhone? Not memorable, I guess.
And life changes. Not only have all our offspring morphed into grownups, but lots of other things are also different now than they were when you and I were kids, my friend. Some changes are good, some bad, and some are just different.
Many human contacts have been altered with trickle-down effects — from how our politicians treat each other to how men and women interact with each other when it comes to something as simple as, yes, giving gifts.
Lots of gift givers fret about the subtexts of generosity. They worry if a present could possibly be misinterpreted or even, horrors, somehow be offensive.
Potential faux pas often are centered on what we DON’T know about the gift recipient: “Does he like this color?” “Are they old enough for this yet?” “Does she wear this kind of jewelry?” “Does he enjoy this sport?” “Do they eat meat/gluten/carbs/nuts?” “Will this gift upset her somehow?”
And heaven forbid, “What size does she really wear?” Buy it too small, and she’ll never be able to put it on. But buy it too big, and she’ll be so insulted, she’ll never speak to you again.
Bubbling in the background of all this is a growing trend toward minimalism — having less, living in smaller spaces, moving around a lot or not having a home base at all.
Presented with a gift, the recipient might respond “Oh, thank you! What a lovely teapot/throw pillow/candlestick/Instant Pot” with an undercurrent of “but we’re downsizing.”
Many of us already have all the gadgets, artwork, souvenirs, kitchen contraptions and tchotkes we could possibly use, enjoy or, more importantly find space for.
The latter problem leads to the ubiquitous spousal whine, “But honey, where are we going to put it?” and its cousin, “What will we throw out so we have room for it?”
There’s also the sad demise of a standby gift for children and grandchildren — the treasured family heirloom.
I’m sad to be the bearer of bad news, folks, but your offspring don’t want your stuff or the stuff that you’re thinking about buying for them.
These latter generations want experiences, not objects. They’re more into memories than acquisitions — better to do stuff than have stuff, they say.
We understand. Among our crew, some live in small apartments in pricey neighborhoods. A few live at home with parents for now. Several are living overseas in temporary or exchange student arrangements. All are downsizing, in one way or the other.
Do I have a clue what they’d want for Christmas?
Are you kidding?
Last year, I did some soul searching about my addiction to over-the-top gift-giving. Sure, I can blame it on DNA and my female forebearers’ yen to create wonderful memories from a plethora of gifts that we’d never forget.
Really? What memories?
We took a sharp turn toward minimalistic gift giving and the joy of shared time instead, whenever that opportunity presents itself.
So far, so good. No more gifting frenzy. No race to ship stuff off. No huge pile under the tree. No 2 a.m. wrapping on Christmas morning. No monster debt in January.
No “Are they the right gifts?” angst.
Yeah, I miss it. Yes, it feels weird. But it feels right.
We still give presents occasionally, but they’re not dictated by a calendar or a zillion marketing campaigns. When I find something that I know is perfect for someone, I’ll get it. (I love giving local produce and products, for instance. That doesn’t count as “stuff,” does it?)
But I’m apt to give those gifts to the recipients right then … preferably, when we’re together, so we can all enjoy the fun. Together.
Because, while there are various excellent reasons to cut back on gift giving, there’s one good reason to continue it on a reduced scale: Sharing love and lovely experiences.
Trust me. Those, they’ll remember.
This story was originally published December 12, 2019 at 3:28 PM.
