These white envelopes on the tree are filled with more than baubles and trinkets

If you’re like us, it’s now officially frenzy time, when the self-imposed pressure is building to be the provider of perfect holiday gifts.

The calendar says it’s now or never, or — as Nancy Gavin wrote in her 1982 story about “The White Envelope” — we could wind up settling for the dreaded “gifts given in desperation because you couldn’t think of anything else.”

That means frustration, exhaustion, depression and, as Gavin wrote, “overspending and the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma” … even though Unc hasn’t worn a tie since he retired 20 years ago, and your grandmother doesn’t like powder because it makes her sneeze.

Doesn’t sound festive to me.

Sure, we’ve given desperation gifts, along with our share of the latest “hot” toys, trendy tech and clothes in styles that expired before the gift wrap was off.

Like everybody else, we’d procrastinate, buy late and wrap even later … often at the cusp of Christmas Eve and Christmas.

As any parent knows, trying to assemble a toddler jungle gym or youngster’s bicycle at 2 a.m. probably won’t have a good outcome.

Besides, tossing the hammer after you’ve nailed your thumb to the tabletop, or cussing under your breath and stomping around in a fury over the never-to-be-understood instructions … well, that’s certain to wake up the little darlings, which can sure blow a hole in their Santa dreams.

When I really didn’t know what things they wanted, needed or had room for, it felt like I was back to tie-and-dusting-powder kinds of options.

I could have given gift cards, but that seems so uninspired, impersonal.

So, we’ve tried weaning them (and us) away from those wrappable but often forgettable gifts of stuff.

Now, we’d rather give shared experiences, even if it means that all they’ll have to open is in “white envelopes” on the tree.

The hidden beauty of those gifts, of course, was memorable time spent together: A family trip to Yosemite or Disneyland, or the Santa Cruz beach, or a Bay Area adventure.

Since Husband Richard’s stroke, when a family trip isn’t in the cards and inspiration wanes for wrappable presents, we’ve had to find some other kinds of “white envelopes” to put on the tree.

For instance, we donated toward a special event for a granddaughter, when her entire class was going to Washington, D.C., and each student had to pay big bucks toward the trip.

We knew that eventually, those memories would mean far more than some Versace high-topped Medusa sneakers that we can’t afford anyway ($1,187, are you kidding me?).

But if there aren’t any special occasions upcoming that need funding, or extraordinary items we can help them buy a little earlier than they could on their own, then what? Gift cards again?

Please, no.

I may not know what specific gifts would thrill our recipients this year, but I do know who they are and what makes them tick. Two of them love tennis. One is an actress and dancer. Another adores fashion and makeup. There’s a take-it-apart-and-put-it-back-together whiz, a techie or two, an artist, a teacher, a nurse, several travelers, someone who loves cows, another who loves anything Irish.

Gifts don’t have to be for them to be meaningful to them.

We could donate in the name of the recipient. Specific, significant donations that really will matter to the people we love, something they’ll remember and feel good about for a long time.

Hmmmm … maybe the tennis team needs new gear, or the drama department needs fabric for Victorian costumes for the next production. Maybe FFA needs someone to sponsor an animal for a needy student who desperately wants to participate.

I guess their trees will have a lot of “white envelopes” this year, unless I can devise some innovative ways to wrap them (chuckle, giggle!).

We hope the recipients will be delighted, and we’ll all get to Christmas with enough energy left to enjoy it, even the vegan menu we’ll prepare for our visiting family members.

After all, when every “white envelope” has been opened, the best gift is being together, whether that happens at Christmas or some other special time. Because any time spent together is special.

Editor’s note: The blog post that sent me down this path is at http://bit.ly/2h06bFr. It shares the story, “For the Man Who Hated Christmas,” by Nancy W. Gavin, which ran in the Dec. 14, 1982, issue of Woman’s Day magazine. You can also find it at http://bit.ly/2fL5xeF.

This story was originally published December 7, 2016 at 10:17 AM with the headline "These white envelopes on the tree are filled with more than baubles and trinkets."