Positive thoughts and a visit to L.A. really can go together

“Hey, would you like a heartwarming piece for your column?” my friend here in Cambria texted me while I was down in the L.A. area. “Of course!” I responded. I just happened to have been spending five days in a very feel-good environment. Los Angeles, you ask?

Yeah, a little traffic here and there, but I didn’t have to commute too far from where I was staying to the hotel in which the ACHE Hypnotherapy Conference was being held. Heads up: This is going to be about expectations and realizing them.

I was anticipating learning new tools for helping clients, receiving motivation to get back into the field and looking forward to visiting fellow therapist friends as well as my friend with whom I’d be staying. No timeline other than the classes and presentations. (Being on “Cambria time” has proven surprisingly useful in the city- you’ll get there when you get there, so just leave plenty of time to listen to the radio or your podcasts.)

Traffic is a time to meditate. Walking the streets of an urban jungle looking for a place to eat is an adventure. Being in a large group of bright and passionate healers is bound to focus your attention on the positive. But, most of us are not provided that situation every day. Still, what we expect or sometimes even don’t expect can present some interesting rewards or surprises and conversely not-so-good experiences.

Traveling to the southland with good things on my mind, I discovered the hotel personnel to be honestly and sincerely kind, helpful and friendly. Anybody on the street who was not head-downward into their phones were almost eager to smile back (another part of the Cambria practicum).

“I was in the Cambria Nursery out amongst the plants and just kind of engaged with this woman looking for the price on something. She thought I worked there and so started joking and I told her to be sure to tell the cashier that ‘employee out there said to give it to you for half off!’ I brought my purchases to the checkout line right behind her.

“The woman looked at my stuff (quite a lot!) and announced to the cashier that she was going to pay for my stuff as well as hers. I mean, I never met this woman and in fact, she just visits Cambria! I asked if she’d seen me through media mentioning her husband (my friend is going through some major life challenges). She hadn’t. She just felt like doing something nice. When I told her the difficulties we were having and how incredibly kind this was, well, we all got damp eyes,” my friend shared. I love goose bumps, don’t you?

We all know random acts of kindness generate feel-good hormones for the recipient, but also provide feel-good hormones for the givers. Here’s the thing about expectations: People sometimes say if you don’t have any you won’t be disappointed. However, if you don’t have any, you also won’t be open to what positive potential there is in the world. Simply clearing your mind of negatives, being in a neutral place – that in and of itself provides a space for expectation. By not focusing on “oh, these clerks are always rude,” or “they never have what I want,” by not expecting things to be dour, you leave room for positive.

“Oh my goodness! All this hard stuff in your life and here you are still smiling!” the woman went on with my friend. “Yeah, she doesn’t see me when I’m at my lowest moments,” she threw out there.

Of course there are always going to be moments when that black cloud is following you. But you cannot experience two emotions at the same time. The book “Hardwiring Happiness” by Rick Hanson is a scientifically based report and workbook (not from the conference!) that proves, an old adage in the hypnosis world that “thoughts that fire together wire together” meaning, the more you recognize and hold on to an emotion or feeling, the more that becomes your standard of living. Sometimes those clouds may part just for a split second and leave room for a ray of light to enter.

So expect the best or at least be open to whatever comes your way, learn from it and grow. “Every day in every way, I’m getting better and better.” (Émile Coué) And you’re not even getting sleepy, are you?

This story was originally published April 23, 2018 at 3:30 PM with the headline "Positive thoughts and a visit to L.A. really can go together."