Lead with love and kindness, especially when it’s hard

Regardless of what the clock now says, it is a certain shade of gray that breaks through the half-open curtains in my bedroom and awakens me like clockwork … of the real-world variety. That or it could be that my two cats who have PhD’s in human behavior know the exact amount of pressure to put on the exact spot on my bladder to spur me into motion in the morning. A new day.

Funny, I wrote that first paragraph on the Saturday before Election Day. I’ve since added a new kitten into the mix who doesn’t exact the same type of pressure his roomies can (who are temporarily closed out of the bedroom). His method, as is typical of a 7-week-old feline, is to place his

needle-sharp teeth and claws around your nose, which is warmly, comfortably hiding under the covers (or so you thought) and giving it a good, eye-watering chew. Talk about spurring into action!

And so it is that I look at this election (you knew I was getting there, didn’t you?). Many of us have sat for decades, really, feeling warm and comfortable. Oh, sure, upset about many political situations, fighting the good fights for what we believe to be the best for all — or for ourselves, given your lot in life — but 2016 is truly a game-changer this time. I know I don’t have to go into details on this.

People have always felt they’ve “won” or “lost” and been crestfallen or mad or elated or hopeful. But, we’ve always had some idea of the challenge or expectations we had ahead of us. Not so much this time. That is the scary part to me.

I’ve been finding comfort lately in reading everything I can that is positive and constructive. That has always been my approach to anything difficult. I recommend it. I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus from social media. I’ll find something unrelated to post from afar but not delve into the understandable rants from either “side” or defensive posturing.

What good has that ever done? Think Gandhi, Martin Luther King. Yes, we’ve come so far but we still obviously have so much further to go before we truly understand and respect each other as each of us, no matter what end of the political spectrum you are on, desperately want.

Granted, I’ve been pulling out all the voodoo at my disposal to vanquish the uncomfortable feelings right now in the pit of my stomach — not only because of who we elected but how, by whom, by the behaviors that are trying to sway the outcome, now sometimes acting as badly as those we dislike most.

“Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know,” Pema Chodron said.

A friend just asked me if I felt satisfied after I’d participated in any protests ever.

“Yes I did. Because I was there with love in my heart and I was there for the benefit of others as well as myself. That is key, to me, to approach everything with love.”

I know that is hard sometimes. Really, really really hard. But it is crucial.

I’m a healer, but that is not to say I don’t have warrior spirit deep within me. I do fight for what needs to be healed, be it the environment, civil rights or homelessness. We all learn differently, as most teachers will tell you. The same goes for political mind-sets.

“Conservatives believe in individualism and respect for hierarchies. Progressives favor egalitarianism and act through community.” (Bob Inglis, Sierra Magazine, Nov/Dec 2016 — a very worthwhile read about a Republican fighting climate change.) But, it seems to me, whether you are in it for your own good or the good of all, when you get down to it, we are all in this together in the end. How can we make that clear? Certainly not by yelling and violence. We will not achieve a truly United States until we realize that ultimately those two mind-sets overlap and support each other, I believe.

Inglis describes his new view, “not only that climate change is real and human-caused but also that free enterprise can address it better and faster than big government and regulations, that conservatives are poised to be the innovators, that people who love God can be a powerful force in conserving His creation.”

I just hope his message reaches more people.

As author Louise Hay always says, “Your thoughts create your life, and thinking positive thoughts around a negative outcome in your life will help to create a more positive outcome to occur going forward.” Do not engage in the very activities and mind-sets you dislike whether you are a conservative or a progressive. Listen. Seek to understand. Look for the good. Learn what others truly need.

Most often, it is simply to be heard.

And, lead by example, with love and kindness, especially when it is hard.

This story was originally published November 16, 2016 at 9:52 AM with the headline "Lead with love and kindness, especially when it’s hard."