Long-lost half brother returns, sheds light on family

Probably a dozen years ago or so, I shared about a brief meeting with a half brother whom my sisters and I’d always known existed but had never met before then. That in and of itself was not so unusual, but the fact that his mother and our dad split when he and his sister were little and she then married our uncle is, somewhat.

Well, I am typing this in a hotel in the L.A. area as he and his wife had an opportunity to come to California from South Carolina on a little organized tour. “Hey, how about y’all come down and meet us for a visit!”

“Um, well, it’s at least six hours to San Diego (nobody ever seems to realize how big California is), we have some longstanding plans and work but, how about you rent a car and meet us in L.A. where our sister lives?”

Happily agreed.

It would be the first time together since our initial meeting 15 years ago.

Now, my two sisters and I have long marveled at how identical our brother’s voice on the phone is to our dad’s. Tonight, we could not help but notice certain mannerisms that also reminded us of him. That was where it stopped, and we were grateful. We are so eager to find out more about our mysterious relatives.

This was the first time we got to meet his wife, so I took the opportunity to have her fill in some of the missing points in our convoluted family history (it’s always different for someone who has gotten to listen from the sidelines or at least without having been in the thick of the family politics) while my sisters talked to him (as I had maintained more phone contact than they had).

Feeling quickly comfortable with each other, we wasted no time in asking some meaty questions about my dad’s challenging behaviors and personality. Yes, our brother also had suffered and, by the time our uncle came along, he was quite their savior. And, indeed, they wound up having quite an interesting life of love and support. His mother is now 92 and my uncle died this summer at the age of 90, together all those years. I can’t imagine it.

I also can’t imagine how my life would have differed if my mom had been able to leave him sooner. Where did his behavior come from? I learned that our grandfather was apparently a troubled soul (my sisters and I never met any of our grandparents). My other four uncles were interesting but nice. My dad was, I guess, the “lucky one.”

Questions: my sister-in-law said our grandfather was a blacksmith but our dad said he’d been a policeman. Why? Our dad never said he’d been in touch all these years with our brother. Why? He in fact never even told our brother we existed! Why? Was he ashamed? Was he afraid? Or was he just delusional?

Families are so very interesting. Skeletons in the closet, miscommunications, outright lying. Add The Depression, World Wars and continued economic and military conflicts, mental health issues, health issues … who’s to say how true or accurate our histories are? Kind of like history in general, right? It all depends on who’s telling that story. And it’s nice to finally, after a lifetime of guessing and trying to retain what scattered memories we had of conversations, to get a new perspective on where we came from, a little more insight into who we are … rather exciting, really.

I feel like it’s time to make peace within the family, with everyone. That is not just because we are entering the holidays but because, well, the world in general just needs it, these days and all days. My you keep peace in your hearts and actions as you make your plans for the next few days and beyond!

This story was originally published November 9, 2016 at 9:30 AM with the headline "Long-lost half brother returns, sheds light on family."