SLO County mother raised 19 children over 5 decades. Here’s her story
Nearly 70 years ago, Luana Herlihy was prepared to take her vows and become a nun.
Instead, her life took a different path, and she ended up having 19 children.
The longtime Arroyo Grande resident always wished to be a mom, but a nagging superstition convinced her that motherhood wouldn’t happen for her. So she decided life at the convent could provide her sisterhood and community.
The night before she had an appointment with the parish priest, her father was diagnosed with cancer. Her mother asked her to remain at home, so she stayed, shifting the course of her life forever.
Ahead of Mother’s Day, Herlihy spoke to The Tribune about the terrors and triumphs of parenting a small army of little ones.
Now at 85 years old with 19 kids, 42 grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren, she said she was “incredibly blessed, almost embarrassingly so.”
Whirlwind romance leads to 4 children in 5 years
While working as a barmaid in North Hollywood, Herlihy had her pick of young men.
She had a strict no-dating-customers rule, but she still had her eyes on a young man named Jack, a business major at USC who frequented the establishment often. After the bar was sold and she was no longer an employee, she jumped at the opportunity to have a drink with him.
She recalled staying up all night at the bar chatting, then they dashed off for an early morning breakfast at 2 a.m. On the drive home, the pair was stuck at a railroad crossing. Jack leaned over and asked her how many children she wanted.
She said eight.
He said, “I’ve always wanted eight. Let’s get married,” Herlihy recalled.
Three months later, they were husband and wife.
Five years after that, they had four kids, but their marriage was crumbling. Alcohol was at the center of their issues, she said, so they both got sober — saving their relationship and family life.
In the early 1970s, the Herlihys and their growing family moved to a tiny three-bedroom farmhouse in rural Arroyo Grande. Residing on 12 acres of lush land, they were attracted to a simpler lifestyle among fruit trees, vegetable gardens and farm animals.
Eventually, Jack built a 10-room house and got a job teaching agricultural business at Cal Poly, while Luana was at home with the kids.
She said her days were split into three boxes — breakfast, lunch and dinner. If she had time between meal prep, she did laundry, which had a tendency to endlessly pile up, she said, groaning.
At that point they had eight children — John, Michael, Kacey, Tom, Matthew, Danny, Christopher and Bryan. Seven boys and one girl.
Then came Meghan, their ninth child and a “happy surprise,” followed four years later by their tenth child, Brendan, “the real surprise,” she said since she was 43 years old.
Jack and Luana said they were always aligned on wanting a large family.
“These beautiful little children, and they’re all so sweet and cute and fun. ... I was just always so fortunate,” she said.
Arroyo Grande family had 10 children, then adopted 9 more
While at Bible study one day, Luana said a woman was in tears, praying for a family to step up and accept six siblings who were set to be split up in the foster system.
She rushed to be at the front of the line to raise them, but when she turned around, she realized she was the only one interested.
“I’m feeling (excited) like free kids? I was just amazed,” she said. “I didn’t think that there were opportunities like that.”
Her youngest child had already started school, so she discussed the idea with her husband, and they ultimately decided to welcome the sibling group, who ranged from 15 months to 8 years old.
She said she couldn’t bear to separate the siblings and add more trauma into their lives. The Herlihys had the parenting experience, the land and the bedrooms, so they would do it.
The actual integrating was hard, she said, the kids had head lice and head colds and behavioral issues.
“But we loved it. We thrived in it,” she said. “I remember feeling like I’m working at full capacity.”
Ultimately, they fostered and ended up adopting all six siblings. Then, as time went on, they fostered more children, eventually adopting three sisters.
The Herlihys said they were able to manage their household based on a joint parenting philosophy of “wholesome neglect” — a more hands-off approach that allowed their kids the freedom to explore and foster their own independence. The house was often chaotic with dishes stacked in the sink overnight, heaps of clothes in the laundry room and unmade beds in the morning.
“We just raised kids and enjoyed it,” she said. “We had realistic expectations ... and we knew what to expect.”
Luana said 10 of her children and their families still live with them on their now 38-acre property in Arroyo Grande.
Looking back on her childhood dreams to become a mother, she said she feels intensely grateful for the large family she has today. But she never could have done it without Jack by her side, she added.
“I had the dream, and he’d make it happen,” Luana said.
This Mother’s Day, Luana has no grand plans.
The 85-year-old doesn’t like breakfast in bed, and she’s more focused on making sure her daughters who are mothers themselves can relax.
She suspects some of her children will drop by the house to say hello, and maybe they’ll slice up a quiche for brunch.
Other than that, Luana said she’s grateful for a casual day at home surrounded by her family.
