Want to avoid a royal rift? Here’s how to resolve family feuds

The recent estrangement between British brothers Prince William and Prince Harry has brought the topic of family feuds into our living rooms.

Nearly all of us can identify with a similar painful incident in our own lives. Fortunately, most of our inter-familial conflicts don’t play out on the evening news. They nevertheless cause heartache for everyone involved.

Family rifts can be bilateral, in which two or more members of a family harbor anger and resentment toward each other. Or they can be unilateral, where only one member claims to be upset.

Either way, parties feel wronged.

They cling to their angst long after an appropriate time for cooling off has passed. They allow those perceived injustices to interfere with the relationship, often for a very long time.

Family rifts are similar to grudges in that someone perceives they’ve been mistreated and is unwilling to set the unhappiness aside. They justify their shunning behavior to themselves — “After what she said to me at the wedding? I’ll never speak to her again!” — repeatedly replaying the alleged mishap in their minds and basking in a sort of righteous validation.

It’s as if one unhappy moment in the family video freezes up and the members involved are unwilling to restart the tape.

Family rifts can occur over philosophical differences, misunderstandings, inebriated rudeness, educational differences, even holidays. The possibilities are as numerous as the members of each clan.

Regardless of the cause, the outcome is the same.

People in the family refuse to speak to one another or get together. Family gatherings come to a screeching halt. Other family members are forced to select sides in the pathetic drama. And everyone loses as a result.

Fortunately, family rifts don’t have to drag on forever. There is plenty that can be done to get relationships back on track. Here’s how to resolve those conflicts:

Break the silence. Don’t prolong the rift for another moment. Be the first in the relationship to reestablish communication. Make that phone call, meet for coffee or send a long-overdue birthday card.

Apologize promptly and sincerely when you’ve been wrong. Don’t be embarrassed to say you’re sorry. Admit the error and vow to do better next time.

Apologize even if you haven’t messed up. Tell others, “I’m so sorry this has happened. Let’s do everything we can to make this right.”

Profess your desire for a positive relationship with the aggrieved party. A heartfelt statement — “This family means the world to me. I never want anything to come between us” — opens the floodgates and sets the stage for healing to occur.

Avoid the urge to rehash. Discuss the damaging moment once, if need be. Then allow it to retreat into the background. Don’t bring it up again.

Steer clear of loaded topics. It’s natural that family members disagree. So, stay away from any issues that cause dissension, such as politics, personal achievements or competitive games.

Seek out positive topics and activities. Look for ways your family can shine.

Go on outings to neutral locations or events. Eat in restaurants to limit time together. Meet your family member one-on-one at a quiet resort.

Keep trying, even if the offended person is unwilling. Call periodically. Send small gifts. Keep the conversation light. Make it clear you’ll be lovingly waiting when they decide to reopen the door.