SLO retiree has a New Year’s resolution: Clear out ‘psychological clutter’

New Year’s goals tend to focus on self-improvement, such as weight loss, quitting smoking or learning French.

But for me, this new year is all about intentions.

I want to be thoughtful about how I live my life. I plan to select activities that are right for me now and perform them in a way that feels appropriate and fulfilling.

Let’s face it. Too much of our time is spent on auto-pilot.

We’re oblivious to the activities and people we cram into our days. We work at jobs we dislike, stay in relationships that aren’t healthy for us and hang with friends we’ve long since outgrown.

We tend to do things out of habit. We plod along deep ruts we’ve worn down over the years, never asking where their paths may lead.

This creates a state of mental numbness, of being out of touch with our emotions and our needs.

It also causes psychological clutter.

From the outside, our lives seem full. But packed calendars aren’t the same things as happiness.

Instead, we may feel as if we’re riding a Peloton exercise bicycle, sweating and spinning profusely with little to show for our efforts.

So, this year I’m cleaning out my life, the way that Mari Kondo would have us tackle our closets. I want to examine each activity and ask, “Does this bring me joy?”

If yes, then I’ll keep it in the lineup. If not, I’ll have permission to drop it from the team.

My subtlest gut reactions will guide the process.

I’ll pay close attention to what makes me buoyant, when I perk up and wag my tail. Those are the moments I live for, when my heart sings its merriest tune.

I’ll listen, also, for the inner grumblings, for those times I secretly despise. I may not be able to completely erase them from my playlist, but I can minimize the times they cycle through.

I hope to accomplish this without judgment. Self-loathing is far from the goal.

I have no problem with the fact that I’m soon to be 67, and that my body and brain have traveled lots of miles. I’m not planning on putting either of them out to pasture.

Still, I respect what they need and want.

While intentionality may seem harsh, I view it as an inevitable step toward personal growth.

I am constantly evolving. Activities, organizations and hobbies should reflect the me I am today. Like shoes that hurt my bunions or pants that are snug around the waist, they may no longer serve my best interests and should be replaced with something new.

Don’t confuse intentionality with being self-centered. I have no desire to become a prima donna.

There will still be plenty of times when I compromise with others or set aside my wishes for the benefit of the group. But I hope to so with awareness, knowing that in any particular moment, this is the best action for me to take.