I welcomed the article on forgiveness in The Tribune on Oct. 11 (“Four steps to take if you’re serious about asking for forgiveness,” Central Coast Living). However, it did not go deep enough.
Each one of us develops our subconscious mind and basic self-definition by age 6 or 7. If we have anger issues, they didn’t just pop up in adulthood. If we are judgmental, we project our own self-criticism onto others.
Have you heard the expression “He’s comfortable in his own skin”? Such a person has had a benign development of his subconscious mind, a rarity. He, or she, has no need to boost ego.
To truly forgive anyone, you must first forgive yourself. Only then can you accept apologies from others.
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Personally, I struggled for 60 years trying to feel loved by a series of men, much like my mother — men who ridiculed me daily.
Long after my mother died, and I was single again, I started writing about her.
In the process, I was able to see how truly weak and self-deprecating she was, and that she projected her feelings about herself onto me. I was able to finally forgive her and myself in my heart.
Then, I was free to marry a man who is comfortable in his own skin.