The Cambrian

My Turn: An apology - iceberg party canceled

With the prospect of global warming becoming a reality in our country, it was a wonderful story that appeared in this space April 1. The long-held secret that a private corporation was going to attempt to bring an iceberg the size of Catalina Island to the Central Coast and anchor it just off the San Simeon shoreline was one of the most extraordinary events I ever hoped to write about.

It meant that those who have prayed/hoped to build their dream home in this area someday will finally get their wish. Global warming be darned; there will be enough water to last for countless decades. We wouldn’t need no stinkin’ desal plant.

During the many years this corporation sought to understand and evaluate the prospect of such a colossal undertaking, having a fleet of tug boats escort an enormous iceberg on a journey of about 2,750 miles from Homer, Alaska, to San Simeon, the anticipation and interest expanded constantly.

But the iceberg (unnamed) was going to provide more than just precious water. As the corporation’s Rod Divining (head of research and development division) explained in the April column, “Not only will there be an almost limitless source of pure drinking water, we will include attractions that will satisfy nearly every interest. First of all, there will be several hundred ice skating rinks from one end of the ice shelf to the other. Four or five landing strips will provide easy access to the hotels and entertainment venues. A motel is planned using igloos, rather than rooms. Dog sled races will dot the frozen island, and parimutuel betting will be included. For homesick Minnesotans, ice fishing will be a favored attraction. After drilling deep holes in the ice, the recesses will be filled with water and stocked with fish. They’ll love this, by yumpin’ yimminy,” Mr. Divining joked.

“Plans are being made to greet the strange flotilla when it arrives in July. The corporation is hosting a picnic and music fest at San Simeon Cove to celebrate this-once-in-a-lifetime event.”

But more validation of the threat of global warming entered the picture when record temperatures were set along the Eastern seaboard from Kentucky to Vermont. It didn’t get below 80 degrees at night in New York City and several people died from 105-plus degrees during the day.

Nine countries recently recorded temperatures that were the highest in their history, including 126.7 degrees in Kuwait, and 125.6 in Iraq.

Alas, there will be no celebration at San Simeon Cove. Town criers, Bev and Jerry Praver, have put away their colorful costumes. The global warming effect caused the Alaskan iceberg to completely melt near the clothing-optional beach just south of San Francisco.

I apologize for creating any sense of anticipation for the berg’s arrival. At least the clothing-optional beaches in this area didn’t have to suffer the chilling fate of those beaches up the coast.

E-mail John Brannon at