News - Local - The Cambrian

Published: Thursday, Nov. 05, 2009

John Brannon: Living with grief and loss during the holidays

Comments (0) |

During my 25 years in the fire service, it was not uncommon to respond to a fatal heart attack or stroke during the holidays. Grandparents, in particular, were vulnerable to the stress of making a long trip and having a different daily routine while visiting family members — this strain and excitement was especially difficult for elderly people who were not in the best of health. A fatal attack on Christmas Day happened several times.

Hospice Partners is offering a free workshop, “Living with Grief and Loss During the Holidays,” at 2 p.m. Wednesday, Nov. 18,

at the Ludwick Community Center, 864 Santa Rosa St., San Luis Obispo. This workshop will be presented by Claire Aagaard and Dianne Thompson, bereavement counselors.

The staff of Hospice Partners counselors is highly trained and experienced. Some have joined the organization motivated by their own experience of losing a loved one. It must be understood that that this workshop is not a therapy session. Far from it; the format is simply offering ways of dealing with what has to be one of the greatest traumas we will have to cope with in life: the loss of a loved one — a mate or a child.

Even though the loss might have occurred some time ago, the holiday season can compound the emotions involved and people might need extra support while they deal with their situation. The purpose of the workshop is to normalize the feelings associated with grief and to help people identify concerns and develop a plan to manage the holiday season in the hope it will be not as painful.

A major goal of the workshop is to emphasize the fact that feelings are for feeling — all of them. Feelings are a sign that you are human.

Sadness — It’s sad to think about what you have lost. It’s hard to feel your sadness at a time when you are supposed to feel happy.

Depression— More than feeling glum, you feel desolate or despairing. You may feel overwhelmed.

Anxiety— Fearful about the future. How will you survive?

Anger— Being mad is a common response. Mad at people who don’t understand or support you. Mad at the one who died. You may be upset with yourself, with God or with the whole world.

Guilt— You may dwell upon what you did or didn’t do while the person was alive. You may feel guilty that you are still alive and your loved one is not.

Apathy— You may feel numb, confused and disoriented.

The first year is a time of major adjustment. Everything is not normal.

There is no right or wrong response to the challenge of surviving your loss. People are sometimes reluctant to attend a workshop, concerned that they will be expected to share their “testimony.” The decision to speak or remain silent is entirely up to the individual.

Everyone is an amateur in life; to have an organization like Hospice Partners to guide us through the pain and grief of losing a loved one is a blessing. Time might not cure all things, but it certainly is an ally.

Hospice Partners, a nonprofit, state licensed, Medicare-certified hospice agency, provides hospice care to the residents of San Luis Obispo County and northern Santa Barbara County.

To register for this free community workshop, call Hospice Partners of the Central Coast 269-0141.

E-mail John Brannon at jrogb1433@yahoo.com