To help determine if you're driving a beater, give yourself 1 point for the following:
- Each wire hanger employed for any purpose other than hanging clothes, such as a radio antenna or as an integral part of your exhaust system.
- Each taillight covered in red cellophane.
- Hand-cranked windows (1 bonus point if nothing happens when you crank them).
- Each hole in the floor through which pavement is visible.
- A Bondo purchase in the last two years.
- Each visible spring, either popping through upholstery or peeking through rust holes.
- Each mismatched body panel (a fire-engine-red door on a navy blue vehicle, for example).
- Each missing or mismatched hubcap.
- Each missing cigarette lighter, radio knob, door lock, door handle, rear-view and side mirror.
- Add 1 point if you carry an extra fan belt.
- Add 1 point if the glove box randomly flies open.
- Add 3 points if your vehicle has both an AM-only radio and an 8-track tape player.
0-3: You're driving a beauty.
4-7: Your car needs some work.
8-10: Call the mechanic, quick.
11 and up: Hey, look behind you ... is that your transmission in the street?