Living

Published: Monday, Jun. 29, 2009

Linda Lewis Griffith: The selfish reward of acting selflessly

Helping others can clear away the fear and worry of modern life by reminding us there is much good to be done in this world

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I was recently the recipient of an extra special gift.

As I was preparing to enter a local supermarket, I noticed a small black purse in the shopping cart I was about to take inside the store. I glanced around me, making sure its owner wasn’t nearby. Then I took it to my car, discovered who it belonged to and made arrangements to take it to her home.

The entire process, including doing my own shopping and driving out to Los Osos to drop off the purse, took about an hour. But during those 60 minutes I was filled with an amazing sense of gratitude.

I was delighted to help a fellow human being. I welcomed the opportunity to be of service.

I’m certainly no hero. The overwhelming majority of folks would do just what I did in a similar situation. We’ve all had that sinking feeling when we realized that a wallet, passport or cell phone has gone AWOL. So we’re happy to assist another panic-stricken person whose pain we know first-hand.

I’m also a believer in the community pot theory. We contribute our time, energy and resources to the community pot when we are able. We withdraw from it when we are in need.

This doesn’t ensure that every good deed will be matched one for one. Many years ago I drove a Cal Poly student to the hospital when she had crashed on her bike and broken her collarbone. Thankfully, no one in my family has needed a stranger to take us to the ER.

But I’d have no qualms accepting someone’s offer, knowing I’d earned their cosmic payback.

Most do-gooding occurs under the radar. It’s the silent, invisible side of our lives. Instead, we’re inundated with reports of the few who commit robberies or violent crimes. Just turn on the evening news or scan the headlines in the newspaper to learn who’s been arrested for looting fire-ravaged homes or who’s been charged with felony drunken driving.

The result of this imbalance is that we feel paranoid and frightened. We see danger lurking behind the bushes in the playground. We feel a strong need to protect ourselves, our families and our belongings.

Of course, we don’t want to be lax. There definitely is an element of society that behaves in an invasive, violent and destructive manner.

But these people are the exception, not the rule. The rest of us are kind. We offer a hand to anyone who needs it. We take good care of our neighbors.

We go out of our way to behave responsibly.

That’s why I relished the chance to unleash my inner good side. I momentarily joined the ranks of do-gooders while I assisted a woman I’d never met. She let me don my red cape and sweep her out of distress. I got to bask in the afterglow of random kindness, never divulging who I was.

While I no doubt saved her some credit-card-canceling headaches, I contend that I gained just as much as she did.

I realized once again that there are plenty of people like me in the community who are willing to help in a pinch. I rest assured that if my ship runs aground I’ll have both friends and strangers standing by to pull me from the brink.

As I dropped off the bag the owner asked me, “Can I give you anything for what you’ve done?” “No thanks,” I said, smiling as I turned toward my car. “Helping you was your gift to me.”

Random acts of kindness

Feel good and help others by following these simple steps.

• Open yourself up to being helpful. Helpfulness is a state of mind. Think of ways you can serve those you encounter on a daily basis. Sometimes the opportunities are obvious, such as offering to walk a neighbor’s dog while she’s in the hospital. Other times are completely spontaneous, like paying the bridge toll for the person behind you.

• Help in small ways. Buying cough drops for a co-worker with a tickle in his throat shows you care and helps him feel better.

• Be kind or helpful when others least expect it. I recently had a parking lot attendant slip me a piece of chocolate as he counted out my change. His yummy surprise kept me smiling all the way home.

• Accept others’ offers for help. Receiving kindness doesn’t mean that you are weak. You actually give the givers a gift when you accept their help. Take what others offer to you. You’ll have plenty of chances to pay them back.

• Always be appreciative. The best way to repay someone’s kindness is with a sincere expression of thanks. Your heartfelt “thank you” repays them for their efforts and triggers their own feel-good response.

• Bask in the good feelings you’ve created. Helping others feels good, so allow yourself to revel in the joy. Both sides win in the giver-recipient equation. And that feels good to everyone involved.

Linda Lewis Griffith is a local marriage and family therapist. For information or to contact her visit lindalewisgriffith.com.