Pat: With a perfect mix of chocolate, nougat, nuts and caramel, how can it not satisfy you?
Sarah: It’s the ultimate taste sensation. firstname.lastname@example.org
WORST: BUTTERSCOTCH HARD CANDY
Pat: This belongs in a little glass bowl next to your grandmother’s plastic-covered couch.
Sarah: Correct, right next to those soft, chalky pastel after-dinner mints. When it comes to candy, I’d prefer a chewy, gooey caramel. email@example.com
BEST: KIT KAT
Pat: I just love snapping the little fingers apart. Then I love eating them.
Sarah: Creamy chocolate and crispy wafers? Break me off a piece of that Kit Kit bar! firstname.lastname@example.org
Pat: Biggest candy letdown: When I think I’m biting into a chocolaty, crunchy M&M and it turns out to be a sugary, mushy Skittle.
Sarah: Skittles mushy? Hardly. These chewy little babies pack a big punch of flavor, although they do tend to give me a tummy ache. email@example.com
BEST: MILKY WAY
Pat: I’ll call it Snickers Light, because it’s basically Snickers without the nuts.
Sarah: Maybe it’s Snickers for people with peanut allergies. firstname.lastname@example.org
WORST: PEPPERMINT HARD CANDY
Pat: Come on — this is just a candy cane trying to sneak its way into Halloween bags.
Sarah: When purchasing Halloween candy, ask yourself: Is this a sweet or a breath freshener? We can do better than this. email@example.com
BEST: PEANUT M&Ms
Pat: When I was a kid, I used to line the M&Ms up like opposing football teams, then after each play, I’d eat the quarterback.
Sarah: They’re crunchy, chocolaty and bigger than regular M&Ms. Bonus! firstname.lastname@example.org
WORST: CANDY CORN
Pat: Do I even need to explain this one? Might as well just eat a piece of wax — which, by the way, is one of the candy corn ingredients.
Sarah: Another ripoff, plain and simple. email@example.com
BEST: TOOTSIE POPS
Pat: The best part is when you first bite into the hard candy, mixing it into your Tootsie Roll.
Sarah: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? I don’t know; I’ve never made it that far. firstname.lastname@example.org
WORST: ALMOND JOY and MOUNDS
Pat: Sometimes I do feel like a nut, as the commercials suggested, but I never feel like a coconut. And I certainly don’t feel like eating coconuts.
Sarah: If you like coconut, however, there’s nothing better. email@example.com
BEST: SOUR PATCH KIDS
Pat: They’re sour yet sweet. Brilliant!
Sarah: I prefer Sweet Tarts, but there’s no beating that taste combination. firstname.lastname@example.org
Pat: This is so obviously discount candy, it’s almost offensive to the trick-or-treater. In fact, it’s mostly just a stick and a wrapper. Flavors include buttered popcorn, coconut pineapple, butterscotch and cream soda. Yuk.
Sarah: Seriously, this puny popsicle is so tiny, it’s insulting. What a ripoff. email@example.com
BEST: REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS
Pat: I’m so glad that guy with the peanut butter bumped into that guy with the chocolate. Because, seriously, peanut butter and chocolate were so meant for each other.
Sarah: I love Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups as much as the next person, but they have a tendency to melt in my purse. Reese’s Pieces pack just as much flavor in a smaller, sturdier package. Plus, they’re endorsed by E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial! firstname.lastname@example.org
Pat: According to the Wall Street Journal, some kids smash up Smarties and pretend to smoke or snort them, which, I’d argue, is more pleasing than actually eating them.
Sarah: As someone who used to refer to Smarties as “astronaut pills,” I have a certain fondness for those plastic-wrapped sweet-tart disks. They may not actually make you smarter, but they look like they might! email@example.com
BEST: BABY RUTH
Pat: One day I expect to hear that nougat is actually made out of something awful — like meerkat tails. But if they add peanuts, caramel and chocolate — a la Baby Ruth — I still might eat it.
Sarah: If it’s good enough for “The Goonies,” it’s good enough for me. firstname.lastname@example.org
WORST: HERSHEY'S KISS
Pat: Sure, the shape is cute, but when I’m seeking candy, the inside is what counts.
Sarah: I’ll grant an exception for the dark chocolate, caramel and almond-filled varieties. email@example.com
BEST: THREE MUSKETEERS
Pat: I like to bite off the chocolate shell first, so I can just eat the meerkat — er, uh — nougat.
Sarah: Mmmm, Three Musketeers nougat. Light as a cloud, sweet as a sunset. firstname.lastname@example.org
WORST: LAFFY TAFFY
Pat: I don’t eat anything that looks like a tongue.
Sarah: I don’t mind suggestive-looking candy, but I’d rather eat something with flavor. Give me an Air Head instead. email@example.com
BEST: NESTLÉ CRUNCH
Pat: Basically bits of Cocoa Krispies cereal covered in chocolate. What’s not to love?
Sarah: Unfortunately, Nestlé Crunch has changed its packaging from fun, crinkly foil to boring ol’ plastic, diminishing the entire eating experience. For shame. firstname.lastname@example.org
Pat: I don’t like any candy that sticks to my teeth. It makes me think about what the candy is actually doing to my teeth.
Sarah: Sure, Starburst have a tendency to creep into your cavities. What redeems these juicy fruity squares, however, is the variety of flavors available — Berries and Crème, Sour, Summer Fun Fruits, Tropical and so forth. email@example.com