Don’t judge us by our friends, readers reply

Bob Cuddy

To judge by the responses I received to last week’s column, folks here have more than one view on what to do about a loud-mouthed friend; though most hew to a personal version of responsibility, where we are accountable for ourselves and not for the people we hang out with.

For those who missed the column, I drew on the problems that presidential candidates Barack Obama, John McCain and Hillary Clinton have had with pastors and/or advisers who have said incendiary things.

I said you take the bad with the good and asked under what circumstances you drop a friend.

Blayne Asher, 84, has seen plenty of religious intolerance in his life and concluded that “we all need to look for the mote in our (own) eye.”

Jean Rouff, 84, of Paso Robles elaborated: “It would be a lonely life if we accepted only perfect persons as our friends.

“I treasure any friends who are still alive and willing to talk to me. One such friend is only able to accept persons with an Anglo-type name. Anyone with a dark skin is anathema.

“… She knows that I do not share her views, and she often tells me that she does not think she is prejudiced. I smile to myself but still am happy to call her my friend. We all have our little blind spots.”

Joyce Knight of Arroyo Grande agreed: “How boring it would be to have only friends (and relatives) that think exactly the way we do.

“… Ferenc (Francis) David, a Unitarian of the 16th century, said it well: ‘We need not think alike to love alike.’ ”

Dan Rich of Atascadero had a similar take: “Barack Obama is not responsible for whatever his pastor says or doesn’t say, just like I would not be expected to always agree or disagree with my pastor. I am responsible for my own thoughts, feelings and priorities— but definitely not responsible for the thoughts or beliefs of others.

“I believe in avoiding judging, accusing or stereotyping others. I also believe in trying to understand where the other person is coming from and being compassionate whenever possible.”

Others took a more bifurcated view.

William Tappan of Arroyo Grande said: “One typically keeps company with those of similar values,” adding that “prejudices, morality, tolerance and similar values can make or break a friendship or relationship.

“In the case of Obama, spirituality is guided by his minister, which is as personal a value as any to which one is exposed. I give Obama mostly a pass, because he hasn’t demonstrated that he subscribes to those values.”

Obama’s former pastor and mentor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, has drawn more attention than Clinton and McCain backers because the media have focused more on Obama. It’s also because some believe his relationship with his old pastor is different in kind.

Robert O. Ray of Cambria is one of those people: “The outrageous public sermons of the Rev. Wright should not be compared to private conversations.”

Jim Vint of Nipomo said Obama must bear responsibility for Wright’s remarks because his response to them shows his judgment.

Alluding to what he called Wright’s “vile anti-American rhetoric,” Vint wrote that “if this message is the norm, I am seriously concerned about Sen. Obama’s judgment.”