I was stunned Sunday when I picked up my copy of The Tribune only to discover yet another pre-election hit piece, this time leveled at Smarties candy. Once again, the “lamestream media” goes on the attack, using the cover of its “family friendly” feature section to pal it up with Karl Rove and the Koch brothers in another transparent trade-off for GOP advertising dollars. How can this be happening in America?

As I’m sure everyone knows, Smarties are a shining symbol of our democratic ideals. With a minimum of wasteful packaging, each tube holds a rainbow coalition of perfectly formed, concave disks; each Smartie different in color but equal under the eyes of God and man. And tasting exactly the same.

Consider yourself put on notice, oh newspaper of the Central Coast. A friend of Smarties is a friend of America. Just where does that leave you?