Grumpy girlfriend grief

Life’s too short to be shackled with a crabby, cranky woman

Special to The TribuneAugust 19, 2010 

Crabby girlfriends are difficult-to-get-along with women whose nonstop demands, tantrums, tirades and complaints make life for their men total hell. One woman I knew called her boyfriend constantly throughout the day and went ballistic if he was momentarily unavailable or didn’t answer his phone.

A second had a meltdown if her beau even spoke with another woman, routinely accusing him of cheating and berating him in front of family and friends.

These misbehaviors aren’t one-time slip-ups. No, full-fledged crabby girlfriends resort to scorn, pouting and swearing on a daily basis. It’s a habit, a way of life.

They somehow feel that being rude and grumpy is appealing to the opposite sex.

What guys see in them is a total mystery to me. I’d think men would seek generally pleasant women who were able to control themselves and their negative emotions. But some fellows are drawn to the moody, high drama females who keep their relationships in perpetual turmoil.

Crabby girlfriends may have some awesome characteristics. They can be funny, bright, talented and hot. And while those qualities may indeed be enticing, they’re not worth dating Cruella de Vil.

These flip and foul-mouthed gals seldom take responsibility for their antics. Most place the blame squarely on their guys. “If he just paid more attention to me I wouldn’t have to yell so much,” one crabby girlfriend naively explained to me.

These women fail to realize that their actions create mass unhappiness for everyone they meet. Men must eternally kowtow to their wishes or risk inciting a terrorist attack. The guys’ families must also walk on eggshells to keep their sons’ prima donnas pleased. Even his friends are embarrassed as they watch him grovel to accommodate her senseless whims.

Since the women seldom see themselves as the problem, it’s up to the guys to step up to the mate-selecting plate. Men, don’t date women who are emotionally unstable. Steer clear of girlfriends who make irrational demands on your time. Run away if a gal goes psycho for no reason or pelts you with a stream of expletives that would make a trucker blush.

Never make excuses for a girlfriend’s emotional tirades. You shouldn’t have to defend the actions of someone you’ve not yet chosen to marry.

Such a woman isn’t going to get any calmer. She won’t wake up one morning and be pleasant, easy going or accepting. She’s always going to be PMS-ey. That’s not the kind of partner you want to invite into your life on a permanent basis.

Are you already involved with such a woman? Dump her ASAP if you’re not married. There are plenty of polite, respectful women who will make better partners in the long run.

Nobody’s perfect. Each of us has our dark sides. And we all have our less-than-stellar moments. Still, it’s wise to keep far away from crabby girlfriends and the troubles they leave in their wake.

Tips for curbing a short temper

Ladies, does the label crabby girlfriend touch a little too close to home?

Then consider these suggestions to diminish your difficult, crabby style:

• Take control of your emotions. Don’t blame others for your outbursts. They’re your fault and yours alone. Make the decision to tame them. Everyone will be glad you did.

• Clean up your mouth. Profanity has spread like a bad virus. Seems everyone’s catching it these days. But it’s an angry, aggressive and disrespectful way to relate to your boyfriend. Make a pledge to erase four-letter words from your vocabulary. Hopefully he’ll follow suit.

• Commit to change. Identify the situations with your man that get you riled. Think of other ways to handle those times without having a snit.

• Manage your stress. We all tend to get ornery when we’re trying to do too much. Evaluate your lifestyle to see what you can cut out. Give yourself adequate time to perform what you still have on your docket.

• Try kindness. Successful, long-term relationships are based on mutual respect and an ongoing desire to get along with the other person. Add pleasant, calm and amicable to your personal repertoire. Look for boyfriends who feel the same way.

• Be patient. You’ve taken years to get this crabby. Start on a new more agreeable path today. Your boyfriend is already thanking you.

Linda Lewis Griffith is a local marriage and family therapist. For information or to contact her visit

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