Whitman grabs lead in cliché race

I don’t know who is going to win the governor’s race this year, but I can tell you this: In the battle for most aggressive use of political clichés, it is going to take a lot to top GOP candidate Meg Whitman.

Whitman’s formal response to Gov. Schwarzen-egger’s State of the State address Wednesday was nothing short of breathtaking in its clumping together of political platitudes. These clichés weren’t just tired; they were exhausted, like Andy Rooney after a 10-K run.

What was the governor’s speech to Whitman?

Why, it was a sober reminder.

A reminder of what?

That we have a government we can no longer afford.

Did it bring anything else to mind, Ms. Whitman?

Yes. We have serious challenges to overcome.

My goodness. Now I’m worried. What can we do about this?

We can focus on the number-one priority for the state, creating a prosperous economy and putting Californians back to work.

That’s two priorities. But never mind. How are we going to do all this?

By implementing targeted tax cuts and eliminating burdensome regulations.

Will that be enough?

No. We must also put an end to the never-ending cycle of wasteful overspending in Sacramento and spend smarter so we can focus on priorities.

What will all that accomplish?

It will help create jobs and start new businesses.

I see. How quickly must we do all this?

Time is urgent.

Do you have any caveats?

Yes. (Note to readers: Move back: Headed your way is one of the most powerful clichés in the political lexicon. It will splatter those in the front row like one of Gallagher’s watermelons). We cannot let Sacramento politicians continue ….the …..failed policies of the past.

Any other advice?

We must overcome our challenges by counting on the innovative and entrepreneurial spirit that is a hallmark of California, and put in place real, lasting solutions.

In fairness to Whitman, she is not the only one cranking up the cliché machine in this political year. The governor got off to a decent start himself when he promised to lay out some bold ideas for helping our great state through this troubled time and building an even brighter future.

And in a news release last week, GOP gubernatorial candidate Steve Poizner vowed to help break the endless flow of money into the pockets of the special interest groups that have dominated influence in Sacramento.

Just think. It’s January now, and the general election is in November. We have 10 more months of this stuff from candidates running for everything from sewer commissioner to governor.

Be still, my heart.