The Ceremony: Saying "I Do"

No other facet of your wedding is as important as the ceremony. The joy of receiving your engagement ring, the thrill of finding the perfect gown, the excitement of the reception, the nostalgic father-daughter dance, the romantic honeymoon spot...these are the dreams of every bride-to-be.

But it is the serious questions and answers of true commitment that bring home what marriage is all about, gently nudging your dreams into the background to make your wedding a reality.

Some couples choose to have a ceremony that includes aspects of their religious heritage. If you or your fiancé are members of a church or synagogue, you should be in touch with your clergy soon after you are engaged. Discuss what is required by your religion for your wedding to be recognized.

Many churches and synagogues require premarital counseling. Even if yours does not, you should enroll in counseling where it is available. It is one of the best things two people can do to help make their marriage strong.

Finding a church or synagogue

If you want a church wedding, the obvious place to start is with your own religious institution. Most of them are glad to accommodate their members; some will accept nonmembers. It’s important to select your site and confirm a date well in advance.

If you or your fiancé are not affiliated with a church or a synagogue, you should be able to fi nd a community chapel or other location that will meet your spiritual needs. Colleges frequently have on-campus chapels, and special wedding chapels cater exclusively to couples who don’t want a full church wedding but feel the need for something beyond the pronouncement of marriage by a courthouse magistrate.

In the military? Consider the base chapel.

If you are unable to find a house of worship in which to marry, some lovely alternatives include gardens, lakesides, community parks and historical sites. Ask your wedding consultant for guidance.

Choosing an officiant

When a bride and a groom have different religious backgrounds, two members of the clergy may officiate, with one representing the bride’s faith, the other the groom’s.

Today, most religious leaders of all faiths understand that a dual ceremony is more than merely homage to each individual’s religious heritage; rather, it’s an expression of acceptance and blending of a couple’s individual spiritual values.

If a bride and a groom choose to have a ceremony outside a house of worship, some priests, ministers and rabbis are available to officiate. Remember that fees are involved, no matter where you are married or by whom. Be sure to discuss fees, including when and how they are to be paid. The groom is traditionally responsible for paying the officiant, the organist, the soloist and anyone else providing services at the ceremony.

Regardless of where you marry or who performs the ceremony, it is important that you and your fiancé have discussed your values with each other and have come to understand that spiritual sharing is an important key to a long and successful marriage.